70 minutes…

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SEVENTY minutes on the treadmill tonight. Without it making me batshit crazy, or any pain.. See.. it’s not that I can’t walk long term, it’s that I find it terminally boring. Even with music I love blasting through headphones, inside or out, I find myself counting the seconds, the minutes and each one seems like hours.

I know that there are people out there who find running, walking, jogging, exercising in general soothing. I have never been one. I understand the calm, I understand what I call that ‘zen place in your mind.’ I have one, I get there by knitting.

I’d recently decided that I need to figure out how to find that ‘zen place’ in my mind by exercising, most likely by walking/running.I talked about this with Hubster last night, he says he just zones out, and next thing he knows he’s gone several miles… so I thought about this.. The easiest way for me to zone out is my writing.. I am easily absorbed into what ever I’m working on.. Unfortunately, that’s very very difficult to do while walking or running.. Second easiest way is to read… not listen to audio books, those are merely ok, because I read about 15 times faster than they do and waiting on them to get on with the story annoys me unless the narrator is very, very good. This is possible, but a pain in the ass, and unless the book is just very gripping, the constant button hitting for page turns on my Kindle (because the font has to be set larger to be seen from the shelf on the treadmill) makes me lose stride while walking, making it a hindrance. (wonder if the Kindle fire has text scrolling?) I’ve tried TV, but the treadmill makes noise, and then my movement makes noise and in order to hear the TV I have to turn it up so loud they can hear it in the next state.

Anyway, I decided that I’ve been working on loosing weight for a little over a month now.. I’ve lost 10% of my big goal, which is great, but I know that cutting sugar is only going to work for so long. I need to get into the habit of exercising. so I decided to get on the treadmill and tough it out for at least twenty minutes. Twenty minutes won’t make me sit in the corner doing an Overboard. At least hopefully…

So I dug out my mp3 player, and climbed on the treadmill. I walked, I concentrated on my goal, I thought about my results, I pictured what I plan on rewarding myself with when I reach my goal, and then I continued walking for another nine and a half minutes before it occurred to me. I really wished I could watch a movie, one with lots of action that just sucks you in. I’d been on the treadmill for about ten minutes when the answer occurred to me. Netflix. on my phone. I can instant stream movies to my phone, watch them if I choose, or just listen.

When I first got the phone (a Droid 3) I downloaded the Netflix app just for fun. I wanted to see how well it worked. I was amazed at how crisp and clear the picture was on the screen, but I couldn’t foresee actually using it much. Partly because it would use up so much bandwidth and I have a limited data package on phone. But at home my phone uses my home wi-fi to connect to the net, and I can stream all I want

So I had a kid hand me my phone, and I started a movie (the new Star Trek for those who want to know.) and I walked, I was aware of time passing but I didn’t care. I walked as I watched, I watched the movie and didn’t mind the passage of time.

I’m going to have to continue doing this. I’ve gone through and added some new movies to the instant queue on my Netflix account so that I have a variety of things to watch as I walk.

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Count down till school starts…

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I have one starting school on Aug 8, and the other two on the 10th. Starting the 10th I’ll have some previously unheard of time to get things done…

  • Time to get on the treadmill without worrying about small children sticking their fingers in it while I have my music cranked up…
  • Time to clean things around the house and have it last more than 12.3 seconds.
  • Time to work on my writing, uninterrupted. I have no clue what it’s like to be able to concentrate on what I’m doing without being poked or prodded every 2 minutes for something like “Can I have a drink?” or “Can I go to the bathroom?” cause I make the child ask permission to use the bathroom /sarcasm. 

I’m excited. I’ve never had any kind of time like that. I worked until after both the girls were born and when the boy was born the younger girl was in part time preschool a couple hours three days a week, and she had just started it.

Knitting, Writing, Single Parenting and …. Sanity?

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Last night I had a breakdown. The stresses in my life (which I won’t go into here,) overwhelmed me and I ended up having and emotional meltdown all over Hubster. Both via text message and email. I regret this for two reasons.

  1. He didn’t deserve it.
  2. The last think I want to do is add to his stress levels, give him something else to worry about while he’s away working and training.

So this morning, I’m trying to push my way through the emotional exhaustion, the frustration, the stage of depression that always follows these eruptions, and get on with life.  I’ve turned on music, but Pandora’s not cooperating, and for some reason, the stations that generally pick me up are playing nothing but depressing music.

In considering contributing factors I realized that I that last meal I ate yesterday was lunch. With my body chemistry is it any wonder that I was more than a little emotional by 9pm? Not at all, in fact, it would be surprising if I weren’t..

I’ve been pushing hard to finish rewrites on this book, and I know that hasn’t helped… but it’s not a huge contributor, I thought. Until I realized this morning while reading blogs, that I haven’t picked up a knitting needle, with the intent of knitting, since before we went camping. Almost three weeks ago. Knitting and writing are just not easily co-existing activities.

Am I saying that knitting keeps me sane? In a lot of ways? yeah. It gives me something that I can do with my hands (otherwise I tend to get twitchy, or stiff and sore) but at the same time it’s something I know how it will turn out. Loop after loop, row after row. It does just as I expect it too. I can pay as little attention, or as much attention as I need to and it doesn’t whine that it’s hungry or needs clean clothes. I never have to tell it to pick up after itself.

Knitting lets me work on it while pondering my issues in life. I can move my hands in that repetitions movement while I listen to the kids play, while blasting music, while dreaming up a story line. It helps me on car trips when watching the road, and Hubster’s driving makes me tense and cranky.

In short, knitting purges my soul of many of the day to day, life is crazy stresses.

After I realized this I went and dug out a project that was sitting unfinished on a table and started working on it. in a single round I started feeling better. It’s not an instant recovery but it’s progress. Now I’m going to turn the music back on (in headphones, some of what I’m listening to is so not kid appropriate) and pick up my knitting. Maybe I can work my way past the stick in my short story.

A month of single parenting… day 9

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My days are starting to blur together. The kids have been home and I’ve had no escape for only 4 days, it’s really not that bad, it’s been kind of cool, and they’ve been playing in the mud. It’s the lack of sleep that’s getting to me. It always does.

Revision and rewrites have stalled. I’m just kind of burnt out on them so I’ve started a new project. A smaller, more easily manageable one. I’m writing a short erotic story. Set in the same world as the books, with different characters, in a different location. (I really like the world I’ve built, but I needed a break from the project I’ve been concentrating on for almost 9 months straight.)

Three days into the project I’m 45% of the way to my goal. Once it’s finished, I plan on submitting it to publishers… And hopefully I’ll be able to get back to (and finish) the book so it can be submitted as well.

On a side note, Laurell K  Hamilton released her new Anita Blake book  Hit List today. Yes, I’ve already read it. I enjoyed it but with a few caveats

  • it was too short. They are all too short for me, but at only 330 pages, it was short for an Anita book and I missed it.
  • I missed interaction (at all) with some of the major characters from the series, most were at least named, but no call, no interaction with them at all. There were a couple not even named. BOOO
  • The ending felt off. Yes, I am one of those freaks who ‘feels’ their way through a book. It seemed rushed and awkward. And there was on particular tidbit that was thrown out there and then the book ended and your like WHAT!??!

Will I read the next one? of course, Will I eagerly await it? of course.

I still want my own spine sheath and badge. I’m still an Anita diehard, despite the disappointment.

“Who made you judge jury and…executioner?

“The state and federal government. Now get out of my way and let me do my job.”

Happy Mother’s Day.

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I hope you all had a good mother’s day. We had a pretty good one. We woke with extra kids, since the day before was kid 1’s eleventh birthday and she had a sleep-over. They got up and mixed up muffins for breakfast. And then lounged around and watched tv until parents came to pick them up, they were all gone by 11.

After that I instructed the kids to clean up the mess that they had made overnight and I went and took a long, relaxing bath. Hubster is working a new schedule, that has him working Sundays (but off on Fridays) so there was nothing going on around here (the kids were entertaining themselves, I love how they do that now that they’re older) and I had gotten very little sleep the night before (of course, the sleep-over was much more of a stay-up-over)  so I took a nap wile listening to a movie… and then I sat on my bed, letting the kids watch kid tv in the living room and watched my own tv while working on rewrites.

After Hubster got home they gave me my Mother’s Day present, the folding lap table I had been wanting for my laptop, working on my laptop in bed or in the living room is much easier now. I love it. We had other things that had to get done, and I hate the Mother’s Day crowds in restaurants so we picked up Panda Express for dinner.

While Hubster and I were watching TV in the bedroom the kids brought me the last birthday brownie warmed with melted butter on it and told me Happy Mother’s Day. Hubster was jealous and tried to convince them to make him a root beer float but he failed.

Finally…

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25 days after the start of the project, I am through moving furniture.

I started on the 5th, with this post. We did take a 7 day vacation in the middle, but I moved the final 5 pieces this morning. it is done, over all I love it. it totally changed 3 rooms I deal with on a daily basis and one I don’t. The child who’s bedroom was involved loves her new room too (and she’s managed to keep it clean so far!!!) 

I am so glad to finally be done with the huge project!

Selective Memory…

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Not mine.. Hubsters…Several months ago we separated our two girls into separate bedrooms. This meant doing away with the playroom in order to do so. The dilemma in this was what to do with the kids TV. Hubster insisted that it stay in the oldest girl’s room and that she had to let her sister and brother in to watch tv and play on the wii. I wanted to find somewhere else to put them, and to let her have her room to herself. Hubster insisted that she keep them and allow them in.

Fast forward to more recently, Oldest daughter wants time to herself, but she can’t go in her room for it, because her siblings want to watch tv or play on the game. So oldest daughter has resorted to hiding in her tiny closet. When I discovered this I sent Hubster an email saying what was going on. He responds with he told me it wouldn’t work when we set it up this way.   ????? I’m the one who wanted to put the tv elsewhere and he insisted it stay there… Oldest daughter was as blown away by his statement as I was.

The difficulty here is that Hubster will determine what he want’s and that’s the only way it’s allowed to be (it’s easier not to fight about it. if I want something different, I wait till he’s not home for a weekend and then put things how I want them, he won’t change it back once he gets home.)

So I talked things over with Oldest daughter, and we came up with a plan to get the kids tv out of her room. The difficulty would be convincing her father. The change would effect 3 rooms, and 11 pieces of furniture.

So Hubster comes home.. we show him our plan, he doesn’t like it.. (duh, there’s a shocker!) He says he had some ideas of his own, but when I ask what they were, he can’t tell me. (he had no ideas, but he didn’t want us to go with the one I had drawn up.) So I told him one of the other options we had come up with, his desk going into our bedroom, because he will be starting his university classes in the fall, and he likes to study away from the rest of us.

So once again, we get out the tape measure, and come up with a new plan, the new plan effects 4 rooms, and 13 pieces of furniture, including moving my California-king size water bed frame, and hanging a tv on the wall. Since we don’t have the mount for the tv, this plan is going to take much longer to accomplish.

I don’t care, I’m starting today. if he doesn’t like it he can help get it done, I’m tired of waiting for him to decide how my house is decorated and arranged.

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